April 1, 2022 marked the first Meadowlark Mother’s Grief Retreat offered after a 24 month pause due to the COVID 19 Pandemic. With every Meadowlark retreat held since the first in April 2010, the demand remains high for this one-of-a-kind retreat experience. The healing of a parent’s grief is crucial to their return to a functioning life, and the impact of the retreat is transformational for the parents and their loved ones. Stacey describes the Meadowlark Grief Retreats as one of the hopeful things that arose out of the tragedy of Tim’s death. Soon after Tim died, Stacey searched for support and took advantage of several groups and organizations; however, she couldn’t find a way to connect with other mothers grieving the death of a child in a retreat setting. She was sure there was a need for mothers like her and the death a child was a different experience than the loss of a parent, sibling, family member or friend. Stacey knew addressing this unique need, could be a way to uplift other mothers and heal her own heart. This was the spark behind the creation of the Meadowlark Grief Retreats. In 2009, a group of talented women gathered over the year to work on a weekend retreat for mothers grieving the death of a child. This group included Leslie Chin, MA, MBA from Stanford who designed the retreat, Stacey, Lisa Perry (Former TGF Board Member and mother grieving the death of two children), Carolyn Yates (TGF Board Member and professional facilitator), and Shelly Gillian, MFT from the KARA grief organization. The result of the collaboration was the design and pilot of the first Meadowlark retreat in April of 2010. Each 2 1/2-day retreat brings five to eight Mothers together to support one another during their grief journey. Carolyn Yates says, “Meadowlark is not a therapy group. The goal is not to fix anything. It is a true, authentic, and prolonged witnessing of grief. Each member of a Meadowlark retreat is there to bear witness to mothers working with their pain.” The small size of each group creates the intimacy and space for each mother to be heard and supported. Each retreat is facilitated by two facilitators. One or two come from the original design group and in 2016 Maria Segal, an original Meadowlark retreat attendee, became certified to co-facilitate retreats. Each mother participates in a screening conversation with a certified grief counselor to ensure they are ready to benefit from an intense retreat experience. Even so, after agreeing to attend, it’s understandable that many moms become fearful to expose themselves in their grief to strangers. The facilitators work hard to immediately build a trusting and safe environment. Starting with having the moms introduce their children to the group through photos and stories. An important distinguishing feature of Meadowlark is to ensure each mother feels pampered and catered throughout the retreat. Stacey describes mothers as naturally oriented to caring for others including family members, friends, the home, their careers, their community, etc. It can be difficult for them to ask for help for themselves. The retreat includes elements to make each mother feel held in comfort. This includes hosting retreats in homes and locales with beautiful grounds allowing for communing with nature. Meals are lovingly prepared by volunteers who often include mothers who have attended a Meadowlark retreat themselves and want to give back by supporting the next groups of mothers. In many ways the Meadowlark retreats make up for the lack of our society’s ability to deal with grief and loss. Ancient and Indigenous cultures have rituals and symbolism that support people experiencing prolonged grief (a year of mourning or wearing of a veil, for example) telling others “I am grieving, please be gentle with me.” Mothers in the Retreat often say they wish they could wear a veil without drawing attention, or forever wear a photo button with an image of their child keeping them visually present. Instead, they feel they must wear a “suit of armor” to protect them from awkward situations and questions about their grief such as “Are you still sad?” or “Are you back to normal?” from well-meaning people. By the end of the retreat, the mothers are bonded by their shared grief and have forged a tight community that continues after the weekend. The collective Meadowlark community is now over 180 large. An unfortunate number given the circumstances, yet Stacey and others know it represents the hope that can arise from each tragedy. In a future article we will share information about the Meadowlark Father’s Retreats and the impact these have on fathers experiencing grief. We will host our first retreat this year in May with nine fathers in attendance. The very first father’s retreat was held in 2014 and was designed and lead by Jim Santucci, Executive Director of KARA, with two additional facilitators, in partnership with TGF. Looking at what is next in the evolution of Meadowlark Retreats, Stacey and Carolyn see endless opportunities limited only by the availability of funding. More retreats can be offered, and more facilitators certified if funding was available. Specialized retreats can be designed with additional funding; organized around the manner of death, age of child or for grieving siblings. If you would like to see Meadowlark retreats continue to grow in our communities, donations are welcomed and greatly appreciated.